My precious Indy
Indy is beside me now, resting with a lot of medication. The specialists confirmed what the emergency vet said. I have this weekend to decide how to proceed, but Indy's options are not good ones.
She almost certainly has an aortal blood clot, which has caused her hind legs' paralysis, but that's just a symptom of her advanced heart disease. Very optimistically, she could potentially have a few more months to live. But she will probably remain paralyzed, and even if she regains the use of her hind legs, her heart disease is terminal. She will die soon regardless, unless it's God's will to heal her miraculously. So I have decided that I don't want to put her through months of pain, medication and humiliation, just to die anyhow within a few months at the very most.
I will keep her with me this weekend, and we will enjoy each other. She will have a chance to say goodbye to the other animals. I'll give her everything she wants. But I can't prolong her pain and misery. She deserves so much better than that. I promised her today that every decision made, will be made with her interests at heart, not mine. I am tempted to keep her with me longer, but she has no quality of life. She can't go to the bathroom without my assistance, has no appetite, can't walk or jump, has no interest in much of anything besides having me hold and pet her. So that's what I'll do.
It's hard. When I start crying, it upsets her, so I have to stop or cry silently. I think she understands quite a bit of what is going on.
She almost certainly has an aortal blood clot, which has caused her hind legs' paralysis, but that's just a symptom of her advanced heart disease. Very optimistically, she could potentially have a few more months to live. But she will probably remain paralyzed, and even if she regains the use of her hind legs, her heart disease is terminal. She will die soon regardless, unless it's God's will to heal her miraculously. So I have decided that I don't want to put her through months of pain, medication and humiliation, just to die anyhow within a few months at the very most.
I will keep her with me this weekend, and we will enjoy each other. She will have a chance to say goodbye to the other animals. I'll give her everything she wants. But I can't prolong her pain and misery. She deserves so much better than that. I promised her today that every decision made, will be made with her interests at heart, not mine. I am tempted to keep her with me longer, but she has no quality of life. She can't go to the bathroom without my assistance, has no appetite, can't walk or jump, has no interest in much of anything besides having me hold and pet her. So that's what I'll do.
It's hard. When I start crying, it upsets her, so I have to stop or cry silently. I think she understands quite a bit of what is going on.
posted by Yaakova | 6:03 PM
4 Comments:
Y, I am so sorry for your pain. You are a great "mommy" to your little ones. Your strength here is admirable. Not everyone makes decisions in the best interest of their pets, but you obviously do. Regardless of your own pain. It is not easy, but stay strong my friend. Indy is a lucky kitty, as are all your babies to have you as a mommy and auntie.
Sweetie, do you have my email? It is Yaeli.kaynan at gmail. I'd like to send you my phone number (or you can send me yours if you feel comfortable with that) so that you can call me if you need someone to talk with.
I know how hard this must be for you and how sudden with little time to prepare yourself, though really there is no preparation you can do when it comes down to this. In many ways though it is better for your little Indy. She has had such a good and happy little life until now and isn't going through some prolonged suffering.
I'll share with you a piece of advice that made things easier for me, and I think for my Pandy, at the end when I had to make a decision. I took the two days before her final vet visit and tried to make it special for her and for me. I did not focus on what was to come (or I'd have been a basketcase and that wouldn't have been good for her --they do sense far more than most people think, and they certainly pick up our moods). I pampered her in every way I could and spent long periods just holding her and comforting her.
Try to pamper yourself during this time too (you both need that). Play some music you enjoy while you cuddle her, light some scented candles. Pandy loved it when I sang (the one of the universe who appreciated my terrible singing) and so I spent hours singing her my favorite happy songs.
Sending you and your Indy a big hug and keeping you both in my thoughts.
Oh Yaakova, you poor thing. It is such a horrible decision to have make - I know I have had to do it before with my dogs.
I really think you have made the right decision, you can't let her go on in pain.
Thinking of you both...
Commenters in general,
Thank you all SO MUCH for your kind words. You have really helped me to get through this difficult day.
Maureen-- I am trying my best to stay strong. It doesn't always work. Thaks for being there for me!
Yael-- Thank you again for visiting and commenting. You made really good points, that she hasn't had to suffer through a prolonged illness, that I need to pamper myself, too.
Unlike your Pandy, Indy despises my singing, and she's not shy about telling me so. And after the fire incident, candles have lost much of their soothing quality for her. But your other advice was very useful! (And ALL your advice is appreciated.) :)
I'll email you.
BB-- As you must know so well from your dogs, making this decision is not hard, it's a necessity. But actually scheduling the event-- that's what's killing me. Thank you again for your graciousness, in light of all you're going through at the moment.
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